Day 272: Little Footsteps...

My phone rang about two hours ago... "Did you find the turtle???!" my sister asked nervously... "Ya, Armen found her..." I answered. "You sure?" she asked again. "Ya, Armen found her..." I answered again, sounding annoyed.

After I looked for Turtle, for about an hour, yesterday, I explained to Armen what had happened. "I can't find her anywhere... Where do you think she would've gone?" Well, it took him about 3 and a half minutes to spot her under some bushes in the driveway. "How did you find her? How'd you know she'd be there?" I asked, stunned, but trying not to act on it to keep his ego from getting any bigger. "I'm a genius..." he answered as he continued, "You have to look for the little footsteps... where do the little footsteps take you?" I just looked at him hoping he was joking because there were no footsteps. I mean, what kind of footsteps was a turtle supposed to leave anyway. It was just a turtle, not a German Shepherd...

So, with a short game of hot and cold, I walked over to the bushes by the driveway, looked carefully, and there she was... right under the dirt, like I had imagined...

Oh, and... there were footsteps... they were small, but they were there.

Tip of the Day: When you feel like something is out of your reach and you're clueless as to where and how you could fix the problem, just follow the little footsteps...

Day 271: Turtle Costume

Well, I'm not flying my own plane yet... but, I am trying to...

It's the day before Halloween... This year, I don't have a costume... maybe, I should be a pilot?

I should probably dress up like a turtle before my sister gets home because I think our turtle is lost. I put her out to enjoy the sunshine... and... now... she's gone...

I have looked under every rock and plant in our yard; she digs her hands in the soil and gets under the dirt, which makes the process of looking for her so much harder... but, she is known to wander, so, I hope she shows up when she gets hungry tomorrow morning. Oh, by the way, her name is Turtle. I couldn't figure out a name and we kept calling her turtle, so that's her name. The upside of having a dog as a pet, as oppose to a turtle, is that dogs respond to their names being called... maybe, she doesn't know her name is Turtle? Well, whatever the case, I hope I can find myself a turtle's costume before my sister gets home... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle wouldn't pass, would it?

Tip of the Day: Halloween is the only time you can play dress up, (or the only time you can play dress up in public and it's okay) but don't pass it up, find yourself a costume.

Day 270: Flying Overhead...

The house is quiet tonight... Vegas is the reason for the quiet... Vegas was calling... so, now... it's really quiet. It hasn't been quiet for months...

I've spent 40% of my day, today, at home... in this quiet house... It was one of those rainy days, but without the rain. By the time I left the house to get some things done, it was around noon. I had to drive towards LAX to my destination, and as I met traffic halfway, I looked up at the sky...

I watched the planes fly low overhead as they were landing... and, it made me think: I wake up, waste my time laying in bed for a few minutes, waste my time eating a bowl of Corn Flakes, then, while I get dressed and ready to leave the house, I listen to the Kardashian sisters and their "oh, so important" conversations, and, finally, when I'm ready, I leave the house and try to get things done!... and, all the while there's someone flying a plane, across the world, transporting hundreds of people to their destination... I think that kind of capability is amazing! So, I am going to try to fly my own plane, in my own way, from now on...

Tip of the Day: Try not to waste much of your time... while you're playing games on your phone and watching Youtube videos, someone's flying overhead...

Day 269: Modestly Sexy

Today, I witnessed two different men at two different lingerie stores... One man was there asking for an application for work and another had brought his daughter in for a corset...

Both men, I couldn't help but stare at, but, hey... maybe, he was desperate for a job and she didn't have a mom...

Sexy is probably the opposite of modesty, but, it is possible to be modestly sexy. I think that all women should feel sexy often... Living our daily lives can take all our energy, but, we, as women, or most of us, as women, need to feel sexy sometimes just to remind ourselves that we are women. Being sexy is a physical power we have over men and giving ourselves attention in that way can make us feel good about ourselves; and feeling good about ourselves will, automatically, bring out the modesty in us.

Tip of the Day: Buy yourself something sexy every once in a while... Feeling good about yourself can make you modestly sexy. And... if you're a man and you find yourself in a women's lingerie store, no matter the reason, buy something sexy for the girl in you life.

Day 268: Professional with a Personality

Cakes, flowers, and photos... that was my day...

What kind of vision do you have? What color palette are you imagining? What does your dress look like?... were all questions I was asked by the vendors I met with, for the wedding.

I was greeted with smiles and bottled water by one, avoidance by another, who seemed like she didn't want to waste her time with me, and an arrogant big headed one I don't think I'll ever forget. My day was productive...

I met new people, learned more about what I should be doing, but, most importantly, understood the difference between the importance of human modesty and contact when it comes to customer service.

As the day went on and the appointments came up, one by one, it seemed like the customer service was getting worse. I signed a contract with the first vendor and couldn't wait to leave the office of the last. The main difference between the service was not that the first vendor was kissing my ass, (because that's not something I appreciate) but she was "human" with me... she laughed with me, while being professional and to the point; she was open to my ideas, while giving me her experience and insight; and she wanted to get to know me, personally.

The last vendor couldn't stop talking about herself, her work, and how great she was...

So, yes, today, I've come across many different personalities and professionals... and, I've realized that a big part of being a professional has to do with having a personality.

Tip of the Day: People always, or most of the time, respond to what's real... Be aware of your personality and what you put out, even when being professional.

Day 267: Salad, Chicken, Red Velvet, and Wine...

I sat at another family's dinner table tonight... I observed their ways and manners... I observed their conversations, jokes, and sarcasm with each other... and... I realized that a family's bond is a kind of bond that, not only can never be broken, but is one of the most precious parts of life. Every word spoken and every conversation is an "insider," and it seems that no one else can really get it; no one else can understand the personal stories, expressions, and thoughts.

I sat at another family's dinner table tonight... I was witness to priceless moments... I was given a chance to be apart of something so special... I never thought I could learn so much over some salad, chicken, red velvet cake, and wine.

My gracious thanks to the Tucker family for this great experience, which made it a great night...

Tip of the Day: Invite someone to join in on a family dinner. Help open someone else's eyes to your family's values and give them a chance to be apart of something so special to you. If you are invited to someone's else's family dinner, you'll be surprised how much you can learn over some salad, chicken, a slice of red velvet, and a glass of wine.

Day 266: "Words are the Voice of the Heart"

I talked about you today... I talked about what you say, what you do, and how you are... it was you I was talking about.

Somehow, when I talk about it, I figure it out. As the words form in my mouth, on my tongue, my brain completes my thoughts and I realize I knew it all along...

Usually, I don't talk about you and what happened much... but, today, I did, and, now, I feel so much better. Now, I can make sense of it all and of you...

Tip of the Day: Talk about things out loud sometimes. You'll notice that when you try to express yourself through your words, you figure things out.

"Words are the Voice of the Heart" Confucius

Day 265: I'm Already Smiling...

As I sit here... some of us are watching a movie, some are sleeping, some are making popcorn in a pan, and some of are surfing the web. I'm observing the family tonight... this is my life...

I wonder how I can make this moment freeze in my mind so that I won't ever forget it?

I have Milk Duds to my right and wedding and art magazines to my left, which is what I entertain myself with these days. Despite the goal weight I plan to achieve, in the past 15 minutes, I've consumed half a box of Milk Duds... I'm okay with that because I have this moment frozen in my head, and, this moment, is perfect, no matter the calories.

I started my day with a few people from my childhood... We had a great breakfast with great conversation, and, now, I end my day with the few people in my life I trust most. It's been a great day and this is a great moment.

If I don't succeed at freezing this moment, right now, Day 265 is a permanent post that explains it all... just 100 days before the end...

Right now, I'm not asking myself what would make me happy because I'm already smiling...

Tip of the Day: In order to freeze certain moments in life, notice them first.

Day 264: Happy Anniversary!!!

I apologize for the internet trouble causing the late post, but, I'm here now...

Yesterday was my parent's 28th Wedding Anniversary... 28 years times all the months, days, minutes, and seconds they've been waking up next to each other... and... they're still happy...

We were at home yesterday and my mom came home after work... I asked, "aren't you guys going out somewhere? It is your anniversary!" She answered, "Maybe, I don't know... your dad's still at work..." Then, I said, "Well, call him and, PLEASE, go out somewhere! You guys are so boring! What are you gonna do if you stay home?" So, she did... she called him and put him on speaker...

"Hello" he answered. "What are you doing?" she said. "Nothing, at work... what am I supposed to be doing?" he replied. She yelled, "You're such an ass... you haven't even sent me some flowers? You used to, at least, send me some flowers!" Then... for people that know my dad, he has this certain laugh... it's terribly loud and funny... so, if you can imagine, he laughed, loudly and obnoxiously, as she said, "Ha ha ha!" Then, added a few four letter Armenian words to her fake laugh and said, "It's not funny! Come home, you're taking me out to dinner!" He stopped laughing and said, "What do you need flowers for? I am your flower, wife... Ok... ok... fine, we'll go to dinner... call Razo & Hemo (couple friends of theirs) and see if they'll come to dinner with us..." So, she smiled and said "Ok, just come home..." as she hung up the phone.

He was home half an hour later and I watched her get dressed as she smiled like it was her wedding day.

As I have mentioned before, there are, usually, many people at my house. Despite all the rolls of toilet paper my parents buy, they're even parents to children they haven't conceived. Words can not describe the type of parents they have been to us. All I can say is that you know you've succeeded when you wake up to a whole house of children who look up to you as a parent, if they're yours or not.

I'd like to Congratulate you, both, on 28 years of a great marriage, with its ups, downs, and diagonals. I hope I can be half the parent you have been and I hope that you enjoy each other's company for 28 and more years to come.

They say, "Wait, wait until you have children... then, you'll understand."

Tip of the Day: If you have children, you've probably already recognized all that your parents have done for you, and, if you haven't had children, yet, then, just wait, wait until you do... then, you'll understand.

Day 263: I lost my touch...

I lost my touch today... I told myself to "just paint," except, after a couple of hours of painting, I realized I had temporarily lost my touch. For those few hours, I had forgotten how to paint. I was lost and frustrated. I had no idea what to do next. The shapes, lines, and colors of everything seemed out of place and cloudy. I stepped back for a few minutes, gave it some time to get itself together, but, nothing... it was gone... lost...

Now, there's an unfinished painting sitting on the floor. It's just sitting there, ready to be painted over... which is exactly what I'll be doing when I feel like I can "just paint" again...

Tip of the Day: Sometimes, we lose our touch... When that happens, just leave it alone and give it some time.

Day 262: Lonely

I sit here at my desk, alone...There is a hugh stack of papers on my desk... I've been staring at them for a couple of hours now... I'd rather not look at them today. I wonder if I could just make them disappear? Would that make me happy?

Sometimes, I wonder what "happy" really is? What actually makes us smile? Some of us seem to be happy and some of us should be happy...

One of the things I haven't figured out about myself, in the last 261 days, is what I really want at certain moments when I crave for something more from life? What would make me really happy? Anything materialistic does not satisfy the craving most of the time, but, at times, I ask myself this question to keep my thoughts on track. I have to ask myself this question as a reminder of who I am, how far I've come, and what I need to do in order to keep a good outlook on my life.

You guys, my readers, come here to read about what I have to say "every single day". Usually, people with normal lives and normal childhoods don't have anything different or interesting to put out. Well, I'm pretty normal... too normal sometimes. The more I write, the more I know, and learn, about myself.

There is a pay phone across the street from the gallery. Almost every week, I watch two different moms with their baby strollers, walk up to the pay phone, call someone, and, usually, end up yelling and screaming at the pay phone. On really bad days, they end up hitting the phone on the walls of the pay phone, hanging it up, and picking up their child, roughly, as they walk away yelling and screaming. I sit here and watch until they walk away, as I think, "I'm really lucky to be on this side of the street..."

Going through art school, I'd see great work by students. Usually, the ones that had great work were the ones who had something tragic happen to them or they'd had a different life growing up. I'd compare myself to them and it would make me feel like I didn't have anything interesting to say because I had, and have, such a normal life. There was always that gap between the sadness in my life, which I had very little of, and my art work. The two never met...

I've had sadness in the past... some things I won't ever forget, but when it comes down to expressing myself the way I feel is right, I don't lean on the sadness. I usually lean towards the good things... the things my smiles are made of...

Yesterday, I was painting... and while I was painting, I thought, "Just paint!" I've always thought about what things should be like, or look like, in their final state. These days, I try to let go of all my expectations, and doing that, has made me realize that, somehow, it all comes together at the end. I don't have to worry about what style it is, what impression it makes, or if it means anything. I just paint what I want, where I want, and how I want... I don't worry about what I think I should be doing. I think about what I want to be doing.

Right now, what I want is to know what would make me smile? I wonder if I'd be happy if the sun came up?... or if I listened to upbeat music?... or if it started raining harder?

I think that the one thing that would make me smile at this moment is a phone call. Someone who would like to know how I'm doing... I'd just like to know that someone's thinking of me, while I sit here alone at my desk.

Tip of the Day: When you think of someone, call them and let them know sometimes. They just might be feeling a bit lonely at the moment.

And, as I finish up today's post, Little man texts me to tell me that he just caught a black widow... that made me smile...

Day 261: Gypsy

My mom and I spent a couple of hours together today... It made me realize how little time I usually spend with her. I guess it's normal to take the things you already have for granted, but, realizing that we do take it for granted is the first step.

My mom, being the funny, stubborn woman she is, likes to wear what she likes, no matter how my sister and I feel about her clothing or jewelry. She normally comes into the room and says, "What do you think? Is this okay?" Unfortunately, most of the time, I look at her outfit and say, "Uh, ya, but take off the ______, or change your ______..." Then, she usually responds by saying, "No! I like it!" as she walks away... then, I say, "Then, why do you ask?"

This morning she walked into my room looking for jewelry to put on... I watched her in the mirror, as I was putting my makeup on. She picked up a pair of gold earrings and asked if I'd put them on for her. I turned around and looked at her accessories. She was wearing more jewelry than clothing. I looked at her gold and silver rings, bracelets, and necklace. Now, she wanted me to put on her earrings. I said, "Mom, can you please take the silver stuff off... there's way too much jewelry on you!" She replied, "No, I like it! It's okay... just put these on..." I started to laugh and said, "Mom... you look like a Gypsy... please..." which made her laugh... We both started laughing at her accessories and she kept on saying, "No, I like it... they compliment me on my accessories all the time... it's nice... they like it..." I asked, "Mom, who likes it? It's terrible... trust me... just take it off!" She answered, "The old people... don't worry, you're young... the old people like it... just put it on!" So, I put her earrings on for her as I said, "Ok, ok, wear whatever you want... just be ready in 10 minutes so we can leave." She did end up taking half the jewelry off and we had a very nice lunch together.

Tip of the Day: When you know people well enough to know why they react the way they do, sometimes, just let them be.

With all the things that go on in our daily lives, we tend to forget the simplest parts of life. Watch this video as a reminder: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1498874761939

Day 260: Respect

There's nothing but other people in this world, other than ourselves. We surround each other daily, monthly, yearly, and... forever... The only thing that makes us happy is people. Anything that makes us happy in this world has to do with another person, another soul. Yet, still, we find it hard to respect each other sometimes.

I walked into a Downtown fabric store today. A young, sweaty, Hispanic guy was helping me out while an older, chubby, white-haired, Middle Eastern man, named Romeo, listened and watched. At one point, Romeo asked me a couple of questions, in broken English, trying to help me find what I wanted. Right then, the Hispanic guy looked furious and he started to say, "Ok, Romeo, I got it... I got it, Romeo... Romeeeooooo, I got it!" I was confused at that point as I stared at both men. Romeo just shrugged his shoulders and glanced over at me as though he couldn't understand. I asked another question to keep the tension from growing, but it made it worse. As Romeo began answering, the Hispanic guy walked away and said out loud, "Ok, you take it Romeo, you take it, all of it!" I tried to keep from getting involved so I asked Romeo to help me with what I needed. He got me what I needed and while he was bagging things up for me, I walked over to the Hispanic guy and asked, "Is he the owner? Why are you so mad?" He wiped his sweat off his forehead and said, "Ya, he the owner. No, no owner. His son owner. He just take care of this place, pero I don like when he cut me. I tell him all time to not cut me. I say, 'Romeo I know you not know English, pero say two easy words, say, I got it!, and I leave you alone, you know. Then, is yours. I don like him to cut me, fsst like that!" as he made a hand gesture. I was surprised at the fact that he was an employee setting his own rules and this man, this older man, was being calm and brushing off this idiot of an employee. At that point, I didn't have much to say to that guy, so, I just nodded and walked away.

As Romeo helped me to my car, with my fabrics, I thanked him and told him I'd go back if I needed anything more. His patience and respect towards such cruel behavior was astonishing to me.

Tip of the Day: There are so many people that are mistreated daily, in the workplace, at home, etc. When you witness such an event, and it's not your place to intervene, just make sure you give the credit to the right person.

2011 Desk Calendars

Here are the jewel case desk calendars for 2011. The measurements are 4"x5" and each month features a different piece. They are on sale for $10, but $15 if shipping is necessary. In case you're interested, please contact me and I'll get one to you. The planners are on their way...

Day 259: Life is Good

"Neutral" is the only way I can describe today. It's that feeling of feeling absolutely nothing. It happens rarely, but it happens. Those days when you feel like you'd be better off floating away than trying to get anything done. Those days when you could care less about what needs to get done. It might be the "Monday" syndrome but it has come around on Tuesdays and Wednesdays too. I might as well have been sleeping the whole day. Yoga class was one thing I was going to do but Shau May cancelled on us. I didn't mind because my mind was already relaxed... maybe, it was better to skip Yoga today.

I hope I can shift to Drive tomorrow, for my own sake. It's getting dreary not feeling anything. I have to say though, the numbness is nice sometimes. It helps to refuel for, and from, the exhausting days. To end on a positive note, tonight, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, but I'm thinking, "Life is good."

Tip of the Day: No matter if you're in reverse, neutral, or drive, remember that your day/life is what you make of it.

“Life is good when we think it's good. Life is bad when we don't think.” - Doug Horton

“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” - Og Mandino

Day 258: Fool for the Family

Besides the clouds, there was some drizzle today... It was a bit hard enjoying myself outside, in the wet and cold, all the while, trying to sell my work to the public. I was at an art market in Pasadena and due to the weather, it wasn't that good of a turn out. My sister and I sat there for nine hours, under a big umbrella hoping it wouldn't start raining. The best part of those nine hours was the 10 minutes my mom showed up...

She walked up to my table acting as though she was a customer, trying to impress the onlookers. She began talking loudly about my work saying, "Verry niice, I lave it!" I'm used to this kind of embarrassment so I acted as though she was a customer while trying not to laugh. As I nodded at her trying to stop her from doing that, she began picking items up and putting it into her bag. I just sat there staring at her, looking confused. As she finished filling her bag up with a few calendars and bookmarks, she looked at me and said, "Haw much?"

Tip of the Day: Acting like a fool is okay when it comes to the family.

Day 257: Happy Sunday!

Vodka is the reason why this post is late... I have nothing more to say, expect that this happens about once a year, and Day 257 was that day.

There were reasons for the Vodka: Little man turned 10!... and Baby Leon was born... Well, actually, I partied with a good friend of mine from a long time ago. She was apart of my life when there was a lot of partying going on and, after a few years of being apart, Vodka brought us back together again. Just so you know, I have a very low tolerance for alcohol, so when I say Vodka, I mean (maximum) 2-4 shots... I know, I'm lame.

Anyhow, I was alert enough to remember I needed to post. I got home, turned the computer on, and, went straight to bed. So, I apologize, but it was a health related issue for the delay.

On the other hand, I am up as early as the sunshine, without the actual sunshine. Looks like it's going to be a cloudy day, but since I'm posting early this morning, I'd like to say, "Have a very nice Sunday." (That last part sounded like the weather channel.)

Tip of the Day: Enjoy your day, even when it's cloudy.

Day 256: I don't know...

I woke up to my sister's laughter today... She was reading the comment that was posted on the previous day's post. She came into my room laughing and said, "Ha, ha, haaa... Someone blasted you on your blog!!!" I looked at her annoyed and said, "Ya, I wrote about it the next day... I know... and, so what! What's so funny?" She continued laughing as she said, "ha... cold... heartless..." as she walked away chuckling...

My day went on just like any other... but, today was different. I was home when my dad came home. Him and my mom were supposed to be out tonight at a cousin's house. I asked him, "What are you doing home? Aren't you guys supposed to go somewhere tonight?" He answered, "No, it was cancelled... Ummm, thing died... umm..." As he kept trying to remember the man's name or figure out a way to describe him, I kept asking him, "WHO... who died?" It turns out my uncle, who was living in Australia, and had been for a long time, had a heart attack and died earlier today. Unfortunately, he has left behind three kids, two grandkids, and a wife. When my dad finally said his name, I was speechless. I asked, "How... why... when?!!" Having a usual man's character, my dad answered my questions calmly as he kept interrupting my questions by saying, "Where's the fish?... What did your mom do with the fish?... Can we put this thing in the oven? Will it cook?..." but, at the same time, sounding a bit reserved and shocked himself.

I can count the number of times I have seen this uncle on my fingers, in my lifetime, but, ever since I heard the news, I can't stop thinking about his family and what they must be going through. It's that kind of news that makes you want it to be a dream when you wake up the next morning... It's the kind of news that can keep you from taking your next breath.

I've described the feeling of missing someone before... I've talked about how missing someone can make you feel dazed, confused, lost, lonely, hurt, sorrowful, and full of wonder... I can't imagine the feelings of being dazed, confused, lost, lonely, hurt, sorrowful, and being full of wonder when what is lost is gone forever.... When you can't have one more moment with that person... When it's gone for good... That must hurt in ways I haven't felt yet.

Tonight, I realize that life is so many things I haven't felt yet. I don't know many things... For the past 255 days, I've been writing about things that I think I know about, but, now, I don't know anymore... There is so much I haven't felt... there is so much I haven't said... there is so much I don't know...

Go ahead and blast me anytime you feel necessary...

Tonight, I send the family my love and light... May you have enough patience to get through this and be better...

Tip of the Day: No matter how much you think you know, you have no idea...

Day 255: Loyal Customers

I used to work at Baskin Robbins... My employment there lasted a while... a long while... about 6 years too long. Besides the advantage of eating as much ice cream as I could consume, I had the advantage of meeting a few loyal Baskin Robbins customers. There were a few of them that would come by everyday, at the same time, with the same order. I looked forward to seeing them each day and I even watched a few of their kids grow older every year. Those few loyal customers had become the reason I worked so hard at my job. They were the best part of my 8 hour work day.

Tonight was date night... For a couple of years now, there's only one Sushi place for us. About two months ago, a new Sushi spot opened up... They had new modern, leather, white booths and the same amount of food there cost less than half of what we would pay at the other place. So, for a while, a long while, we tried out the new place. The Sushi wasn't bad, the environment better, and the check was half the amount, so why go back, right? Well, tonight, we decided to have date night at the older spot. The last couple of times, we had realized they had been empty while the new one down the street was packed with people and big parties. Tonight, we thought we'd go back and see our friends at the old place and I'm glad we did because we were greeted with a warm "Welcome Back!" There, everyone knows our name and every time we walk in, we're asked when the wedding is... just, that, is worth the old fashioned decor and double-priced Sushi. I guess you can call us loyal customers...

Tip of the Day: Try to be a loyal customer. Business owners/employees appreciate you more than you know.

Day 254: Tonight, I wish you patience...

"Do unto others as you would have others done unto you." Matthew 7:12

I think we should all live by that... but, I also think, "You do unto others what you do unto yourself." We are each individuals but, sometimes, we get confused about our individualities. Sometimes, some of us act in ways that affect the people around us. We live as individuals but we don't live for ourselves. We live for the most important people around us. Unfortunately, many people still feel their selfish need to accomplish their own goals no matter who's life or feelings are on the line. Sadly, most of the time, our families feel the negative effects of our actions.

Tonight, and every night, there are certain individuals in the world that can't be around their families because of their own wrong decisions and doings. Tonight, I dedicate this post to the lonely husbands and wives, the fatherless and motherless children, and the worried parents around the world. Tonight, I send you all my thoughts and I wish you patience...

Tip of the Day: When making a decision, think about what's most important to you before what you want and need to do.

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." ~Paul Pearshall

Eerren 2011 Planner: Would you like one?

Here is a page out of my 2011 planner. I know most of my readers bought planners from me last year. I wanted to give you guys an idea of how the 2011 planner will look so that you can give me an idea of many I'd need to print. Last year I had 25 printed and they sold for $25. If you guys can please let me know if you're interested and I'll go ahead and get them printed in time for Christmas present ideas. I have to say that this year I will try to make them better because I've received a lot of feedback from users. I hope that the printing and binding costs will be what they were last year so that I can give you the same sale price, but either way, if you're interested, I will go ahead and get them printed. Thanks!

Day 253: Masterpiece

I always ask for your comments... Well, today, I got one. Following yesterday's post, here is a comment that was posted:

Anonymous said:

"Somehow, she thinks she can pick things out for me... I don't know how she got that idea, but, it's over now. I think she gets it now... hmmmmm!
'I have to say this is the coldest, the heartless statement a parent can hear.'
You know probably when your mom was 8 she had a doll with your name on it. She pampered her doll, dressed her and in her imagination had a wedding for her. Then it was you a baby doll, exactly the way she had in her imagination, I would say maybe more. I don't know how old you are but whatever it is multiply by 365 days, multiply by 24 hours, multiply by 3600 seconds then you will know how many times she wanted to dress you as a masterpiece. Now you answer yourself, does she really, somehow, think she can pick things out for me... "

I have to say, it made me feel a bit of shame... but, I also have to say I appreciate the honesty.

Now, I have to say, "I'm sorry Momma, I didn't mean to be cold and heartless. I love that you want to help me with the most important day of my life, but these reactions and sarcastic comments are apart of my personality and I know you know me well enough to understand why I tend to react that way.

I am 26 years old... 26 times 365, that times 24, and, then, that times 3600 seconds equals too many times you've wanted to dress me and make me your masterpiece. Too many years, months, days, hours, and seconds of imagining me on my wedding day, but I have to say that, me on my wedding day, is not your masterpiece. That's just a small dab of paint compared to the masterpiece you've created of me. You have given me 26 years times 365 days, times 24 hours, times 3600 seconds of life, up until today. You have built me up all this time so that I can impress you one day. On my wedding day, no matter the flower girl or the dress, I am going to impress you of you. On that day, you will be impressed with yourself and the kind of masterpiece you have created. On that day, you are going to be the star of the show. Everyone is going to be there looking at your work. What I plan and pick is just going to be the setup of the show, not the art work on the walls. I may react in cold, heartless ways sometimes, but it all comes from a good place; A good place you have created for me. You know your creation better than anyone else, so I hope, one day, I can reveal your masterpiece to you."

Love Always, Your Masterpiece

Tip of the Day: We are all our parents masterpieces. They know us better than we know ourselves because they have created and built us, so when there are cold, heartless moments, just try to explain to them that those are the small glitches in the painting.

Day 252: I'd rather be better...

I'm not liking this statistics tab... it's way too much information for me to handle, especially since my "I'm better" post a few days ago. People seemed to have stopped reading! People... I'm not that much better. I know people with problems are far more interesting, but who doesn't have problems, right? So, I'd like to state that I'm not that much better... I'm a bit better... Actually, I just finished arguing with my mom about wedding details. Somehow, she thinks she can pick things out for me... I don't know how she got that idea, but, it's over now. I think she gets it now... I concluded the argument saying, "If you have a suggestion, that's what the suggestion board is for!" I think it's all better now... it'll be okay. This part is supposed to be the best part of it all, according to ME. In other words, I'm enjoying the arguments and rudeness.

On a different note, someone asked me the other day, "What happened, why aren't you posting your weight?!" Uhhh, well, honestly, between the French baguettes and the cream cheese I had this morning, I don't think the numbers are going to be much different... But, I promised, and I will be posting my weight sometime in the near future... before... the 365th day.

There are many things on my mind. There are too many things on my mind. With the wedding coming up in less than 9 months, moving out of the house, the deaf man walking into the gallery and kissing me today, the woman farting next to me in Yoga class, and... being "better", it all seems to have come together and turned into a big, mushy ball in my head making me feel like I'm congested. The truth of it is, I am better, a lot better, so, if I've lost a few of you guys due to my healthy status, then, so be it. I'm going to stop paying attention to the statistics... I'm going to keep doing this until something interesting happens to me, hopefully, something that'll affect my boring "betterness." On second thought, I'd rather be better...

Tip of the Day: If you feel like being at a normal, healthy state is getting boring for you, go to Magic Mountain or something because being better is what we'd all rather be...

Day 251: I wonder...

I wonder where you are... I wonder what you're doing... I wonder what you're thinking... I wonder about you sometimes... I wonder if you wonder about me... I wonder about you everyday... maybe twice a day... I keep you in my wonders because you were apart of a time in my life when I was full of wonder and, sometimes, you even made me feel wonderful... so, tonight, I wonder about you... and I hope you are in a wonderful place, doing a wonderful thing, thinking wonderful thoughts...

Tip of the Day: We all wonder... It's okay to let yourself go and wonder sometimes. Wondering about people and things in life keep your imagination alive and your emotions sensible. Be present while wondering and you'll get to know yourself better.

Definition of wonder - wuhn-der

to speculate or think curiously; to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel

Day 250: I changed my mind...

So, I posted late today because I was busy praying... No, I'm just kidding, it just took me a while to get my thoughts together and stop changing my mind.

Well, 250 days down... 115 days to go...

Day 250 is, kind of, a big day for me. Today, I surprised myself. My reaction to a certain situation was not how I had thought it would be. After I reacted, I thought about why I reacted the way I did, and it made me realize how we, as human beings, change our minds and thoughts daily. Depending on where our day takes us, what kind of experiences we have, and who we meet, we change. We all know we change... physically and mentally, but... our views and big ideas also change. If we thought of a certain thing in a certain way, we might think of it differently later on in life. The saying, "Never, say never" does exist. My reaction towards this certain situation was better than I had expected, and it made me feel like a better person for it. If you had asked me a few days ago, I'd imagine an extremely different kind of reaction from myself, but, as you know it, I've changed my mind about this certain situation in life. I choose to look at things this way and that's how it suits me right now. Maybe, I'll disagree with my Day 250 self, but, today... on Day 250, I changed my mind.

Tip of the Day: You, unconsciously, change your mind about many things in your life. You should let yourself change into the person you need to become. As long as you stay true to yourself and not lose sight of who you really are, you won't regret the changes that take place.

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

Day 249: Pray

Each one us must know someone that is very spiritual. Someone that carries their God around with them every moment of everyday, and says his name every few minutes. Knowing someone like that is overwhelming, at times, because it reminds you of your lack of spirituality. It reminds us of a higher power we tend to forget about in our daily lives.

I've written about God before and I think that we all believe in something that's bigger than us, no matter if we call him God or not. Most of us are aware that there is something bigger and higher than us, and, most of the time, it's more obvious when we're going through rough patches and hard times.

People that carry God around with them everyday speak of his existence and speak to him everyday. They live their lives relying on what their God has planned for them. Some of us depend on ourselves everyday, and, some of us depend on other things in life. Just because we don't say God's name everyday or wake up speaking to him doesn't mean we lack spirituality. Every single person deals with their own spirituality in different ways. One way that most of us connect with our own spirituality is by praying. We sit there and think to ourselves or speak out loud and we ask for something from someone. The obvious way of praying is by putting our hands together and closing our eyes, but praying can be done anytime of any day, anywhere.

Personally, I can't remember the last time I prayed... until today. Today, someone prayed for me. It made me feel like I would be taken care of, somehow. It's hard to explain the feeling of comfort you get when praying. No matter who you believe in, believing that someone higher and bigger than you, and the whole world, is going to take care of you. It makes you feel extraordinary relief.

Tip of the Day: Pray for someone. If you can't think of anyone, pray for yourself... and, if you don't pray, take a couple moments, sometimes, to wish better for you and everyone else. If you don't feel the need now, there will come a time in your life when you'll need the help of something bigger than you, so be aware of your spiritual self. You never know, your prayers might be answered.

Day 248: I pause...

First off, I would, please, like to ask a favor from you guys. Please go to this link and rate my work. I've entered this competition in Miami and I need votes. I will be posting the link everyday to remind you guys to vote. If you can vote everyday, that would be really nice. I think you can vote once every 24 hours. So, here it is... thank you : http://www.arttakesmiami.com/portfolioView.php?preview=true&artist=Eerren

I was putting my jeans on this morning, which I hadn't worn since the beginning of Summer, and I noticed an inscription on the inside.

It read: If I could reach up and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, the entire sky would be in the palm of my hand.

Reading that made me pause, even though my jeans were halfway up...

Then, as I was driving, I decided to open my sunroof, which was, probably, the 3rd time since I got the car 2 years ago. I stopped at a red light, looked up, and there were hundreds of birds sitting on the telephone wires right above me. That was another moment that made me pause...

Now, I'm home, back in the same place I was this morning. There is nothing about this moment that makes me want to pause... except... for the silence that exists at this moment. And, now, I pause...

Tip of the Day: Small moments happen in your day that make you pause. Just try to be present enough to notice them.

Day 247: Starbucks Celebration

My sister went out to Starbucks to get some goodies for us because, today, we're celebrating! I'm not really sure what we're celebrating, but, tonight, is, somehow, the last night I will be doing something and the first night I am starting something new. Today is a day of change... and, sometimes, small changes are worth celebrating.

Change is not always something we want in our lives... getting married, moving out, having children, losing someone, loving someone, quitting a job, getting a new job, and getting older are just some major changes we go through in life. The small changes are usually the ones that go unnoticed. Tonight, my sister made me notice a couple of the small changes in my life that are worth celebrating.

Tip of the Day: Celebrate the small things in life. Everything in life is worth celebrating.

Day 246: My Prayers Were Answered...

I don't know whether I should describe the scene with the obsessive compulsive guy at the sales counter, today, or another "Alzheimer's" scene...

So... here it goes...

I dropped by grandma's house today... She saw me parking the car and watched as I went up the stairs. She was sporting a new hairstyle so I said, "Wow, look at you... new haircut... and color! You're looking pretty!" She smiled and said, "Ya, I got my hair done the other day..." As I approached her and gave her a hug, she said, "I was just praying... I was praying to God for your mom, or anybody, to come and take me somewhere." I looked at her and laughed her comment off. I walked into the empty little apartment, with the four walls (as she usually calls her home), looked over at the floral designed couches, and sat myself down. She came over and sat down on the couch beside me and said, "I don't remember if you're the one that got married or your cousin...?" I replied, "It was my cousin, grandma... how could you be confused about that?" She automatically mumbled, "I don't remember..." She brought over some watermelon slices and said, "Eat! It's nice and cold!" I looked at the plate of watermelon and said, "Grandma, it's raining and freezing outside..." She replied, "No, it's good... eat it!" So, I picked up the plate and began biting on cold, watery watermelon slices. She looked over at me and said, "You know, I was praying... I was praying to God for someone to come and pick me up, and then, you showed up..." I looked at her and nodded. She asked, "Is your mom home? Did she call you and tell you to come and take me?" I answered, "No, grandma, I was just around the area and decided to come and see you." "Oh, okay, " she said and continued saying, "I'm always alone in this apartment building. No one is ever around... I just sit here in these four walls... but, just now, I was praying... I was praying to GOD..." before she could finish, I said, "Okay, go get you jacket, let's go!"

My grandmother, being the stubborn woman that she is, usually doesn't like to listen to other people's advice so she said "No" to the jacket and got ready to leave with me. After about 5 minutes of arguing with her about how cold it is outside, I dressed her. She was so excited that she was leaving the house to go somewhere. Her prayers were answered...

I stood by the door and waited for her to check on every single light bulb, light switch, sink faucet, and stovetop. She walked over to me, excited, and said, "Which shoes should I wear?" as she pointed to two, the only two she owns, pairs of shoes. I think she might have been feeling important because I had given her my attention while dressing her. I looked down at her shoes and replied, "Something warm... it's raining." She picked a pair, put them on, and we were off... or... not yet...

There is a whole process she runs through every single time she leaves the house. She checks on everything about 3 times before she is sure they're off or locked. I already know this, with years of experience, so I waited outside by the door until she went over her Obsessive Compulsive/Alzheimer Compulsive process.

She finally made it out the door as I watched her lock the front door. She locked it, turned the knob about 3 times, while she tried pushing on the door to make sure it wouldn't budge. Then, she closed the screen to the front door, but... opened it up again to check the doorknob again, and, then, again, one more time. I stood there and watched as she did this while talking to herself. She finally closed the screen for the third time and said, "I have to make sure it's locked or they'll come and take my gold." That moment was priceless...

So, we, finally, headed down the stairs as I pulled the car out, she got in and fastened her seat belt. As I pulled out of the parking lot and was on my way home, she said, "You know, I was praying... I was praying to God that you would come pick me up. Now, you're here. My prayers were answered..."

Tip of the Day: Be kind and patient with people's Obsessive Compulsive/Alzheimer Compulsive/ "Anything" Compulsive processes.

Day 245: Forecast: Rain

I am going to state the obvious... today was a rainy day. Rainy days are usually sedatives for us. They make us feel like staying home, watching a movie, and eating Cup of Noodles (by the fireplace, if you want to get corny). I read somewhere that suicide rates are highest in rainy areas. I guess rain can get depressing after a while, but with all the sunshine we've had in LA lately, I was okay with the rain today. I was okay with having frizzy hair, wearing damp clothes, and getting muddy footsteps on the white gallery floors. All the downsides to the rain didn't bother me today. It, somehow, made my day today.

I slept in an hour longer because there was no sunshine on my face to wake me up, but, once awake, it was a good start. With a bowl of Corn Flakes, I started my day... an, wi a hou an a haf ov Yoga wi "Shau May", I ended my day.

Tip of the Day: No matter hail, snow, or sunshine, our day turns out to be exactly what we make of it. The only difference there should be in your day, having to do with the weather, is your safety (caution while driving, walking, bicycling, running, etc.). So try to make the best of each and every day despite the outside temperatures.

"Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella." ~Terri Guillemets

"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet." ~Roger Miller

Day 244: I'm Better

There is a new tab on the screen I sign into to post... it's a Statistics tab for the blog. I can see how many people actually read this thing, at what time, in which country, from what type of device. It's kind of cool, but, also, a bit too much information. Yesterday, 40 people read my blog at 3PM... See, it is kind of weird. It's nice to see the numbers and to find out that people in South Korea, Belgium, and India are also reading my thoughts. That makes me a bit nervous... I had one of my readers talk to me about my blog today and I had one of my other readers tell me she doesn't keep up anymore.

No matter if you've been reading since Day 1, just got here, or you're not reading anymore, I feel good about doing this for another 121 days. I'm still confident about being here. I've had my ups and downs in the past 244 days, and all of you guys have joined me. It's been sad, happy, angry, funny, ironic, hopeless, hopeful, surprising, and everything else a human can possibly feel, and, today, on Day 244, I can declare that my original idea and its purpose has worked. I have succeeded and have reached my goal... I am better now... Day 245 and so forth is just a bonus for me. Who knows what more it'll do for me? All I know is that I'm a better "everything" than I was since Day 1. Having you here with me at whatever time of the day, in whichever country, from whatever device has made me better... and... I thank you for making me better...

Tip of the Day: No matter what your goal, give it time and be patient. One day you might wake up and realize you're right where you want to be.

Success: To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded! ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 243: Kris Kan

Some days, I don't want to do this anymore...

Some days, I don't enjoy doing this...

Some days, I can't be clever, smart, right, funny, interesting, positive, or me...

Some days, I would just like to take a PASS...

Today, I'd like to skip my turn... Today, I'd like to give someone else a chance at this...

I was inspired by another artist. If you haven't heard of him, (you probably have...) check out Kris Kan's blog. He is a professional photographer and you can see view his blog at kriskanblog.com There is a video posted on the front page of him photographing a wedding in Greece. That is what inspired me today... so, I'd like to give him and his passion the credit for Day 243. Seeing passionate artists like him at work give me the fuel to keep at this and give you the quality I promised you until the end.

Tip of the Day: Some days, you have to give someone else a chance and give them all the credit.

Day 242: But... those are her favorite colors

I don't know if you've ever had to tell a little "white lie" to keep from being rudely honest or to keep from hurting someone's feelings. If you're human, you probably have.

Well, today, I confess, I lied. Being an artist myself, I understand the determination of one's taste and liking to a certain creation. I have purchased flowers from Florists many times before and being the creative I am, I usually ask for what I want. If I want two colors of roses or two types of flowers put together, I ask for it. Usually, my suggestion gets turned down by the Florist/Artist helping me. They usually say, "Uh, no, those two don't go together... how about if we..." and, usually, I just agree and let them do whatever they feel looks good.

Today, I walked into a flower shop and I asked the lady to make me a rose bouquet. Not a specific rose bouquet, just a regular bouquet, but with the rose colors of my choice. I wanted her to make the bouquet with cream and blush colored roses. I asked her to put those two together and had no other input. As soon as I asked her, she looked at me and said, "Nooooo.... but the bouquet will be soooo paaaale..." with a whiney voice. I looked at her and grinned thinking, "Why can't you just do what I want? Just put those two fu***n colors together... what's the big deal? It's for me, not you!" while my face and mouth said, "Uh, okay sure... whatever you want..." She lingered around for a couple of minutes suggesting some other roses to me, but, then, I realized I didn't want any other color. I wanted what I had asked for. So, I decided to tell a little white lie, I said, "But... but, those are her favorite colors..." sounding like a child wanting a candy bar. Then, to my surprise, she said, "Oh, okay, if it's her favorite colors, then we'll do it!"

I told a little white lie... didn't hurt her feelings... was not rude... and, most importantly, I got my "pale" bouquet.

Tip of the Day: Sometimes, it's okay to lie about some things to keep from hurting someone's feelings.

Minor white lies permeate our daily lives, especially when we feel the need to protect someone else’s feelings. - Mitch Thrower