I don't remember the last time I sat down to write... I don't remember the last time I had time to sit down and do anything. Life has definitely took a turn for the busy, but good busy. I have Nala, who will be 2 years old next month, and Modest Fly has been busy running its art classes 4 days a week, 6 hours a day. All of what goes on in between is more than enough to keep me going without sitting down. I turned 30 today and I thought that this might be a good time to sit down, gather my thoughts, and write again.
I have everything I need and almost everything I've ever thought I'd ever want. I coexist with my "family" now and I wake up every morning and move at my own pace going on with my day. Not to say that I'm not tired by the time Nala closes her eyes, but I'm fulfilled tired, if you know what that means. It's the feeling you have at the end of your wedding night (or any important event) when your guests leave, or when the baby finally sleeps after a long day at disneyland.
Robin Williams committed suicide a couple of days ago... it was sad news. Sad enough to make me stop and think for a moment about how much we don't know about people and what goes on in their heads. We go about each day assuming we know what people's lives consist of, but we really have no idea.
My point being is, no matter what I have going on in my head, I'm actually happy today.... as I turn 30... I am pretty happy with the past 30 years and I've been lucky compared to many people out there. There is so much going on in my head.. so much that I can't even begin to describe and express, but what truly matters is how you look at your life at the end of the day. The other day I read, "My blood type is BE POSITIVE" No matter how much we feel we deserve and how much luck we think we have, our lives are exactly how we want them to be... how we think of it to be. We are in control of everything that happens for us and to us. We are in control of how we narrate our lives. We can leave the bad stuff out and concentrate on everything that makes us smile. We get one chance to be 25, we get one chance to be 30... we get one chance to be 35, 40... so, at the end of the year, no matter what year, how would you have lived it?
Thinking back to the past 30 years, Nala is the one thing I'm truly proud of... My parents are the one thing I'm truly thankful to... My husband is the one thing I'm incredibly lucky to have... my sister is the one thing I was gifted with... my work is the one thing I am truly passionate about... my thoughts are the one thing that keep me interesting... my feelings are the one thing that make me feel alive... and my family is the one thing that makes me feel so happy today. Today... as I turn 30, I am truly happy.
First and foremost, Happy Birthday Iren! I hope your day was a good one filled with sun and family. It's wonderful that you are writing again, time alas barely gives up any of its precious moments for use to reflect and gather. It's pretty crazy handling family, work AND and your own private art; I myself feel art is a very private matter and a concentration of inner thoughts that only find their way out through paint. That's why it's so hard to 'switch' back and forth between the two processes: the world of the linear, everyday moments, and the inner artistic world where there IS no time and we are still kids at heart.
ReplyDeletePress on, be strong, and all the joy to your lovely family. I know it's hard to find the time for your own art, but that tension and release is where all the power comes from. And the knowledge you are giving your students is forever priceless. Thank you for the Modest Fly art studio and all you do for our artists.
Love & miss you. Love this! I got tears in my eyes reading it. Come back home already!
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