My life will be changing in less than a month... but... so many changes have already taken place in the last couple of months that I'm beginning to feel "change." With all the things on my "To Do" list, I have been consumed with priorities, which have kept me from feeling too overwhelmed. As each change in my life takes place, I take time to myself every once in a while to figure it all out... until last week...
Early last week, as we were having a Memorial Day barbeque in the backyard with family, Armen received a phone call... and we got news that his grandmother had passed... As he took the phone away from his ear, he said, "Uh, I think we have to go to my grandma's house... I think she passed away..." I just sat there and stared at him and tried to understand his words. Then, I got up and said, "Ok then... let's go... what are you waiting for? Let's go and see what's going on..." As I said that, I felt my stomach turn upside down... it was an unexplainably fearful feeling. I thought about what it was going to be like going through it all over again... the sadness, people, reactions, funeral, and silence... We sat in the car and there it began... the silence... I turned to Armen and asked, "Why do you think this is happening right now?..."
Well, with the sadness being apart of my life right now, my sister had planned a girl's weekend getaway for last weekend. I thought that it might be selfish of me to have 15 girls cancel their plans and plane tickets. So, I gave most of my time to the family until the funeral ended and delayed the trip a bit... and, while packing to go have fun and celebrate my life, I felt sadness and happiness at the same time... While on the trip, I laughed just as much as I've cried these last couple of months. The trip was a success in doing that...
They say that happiness and sadness are siblings... I have to say that I haven't experienced life like this before. My life in the last year has taught me more than all my 26 years and as my life changes, I wish and pray for love... no matter tears or laughter, I want love... love with its laughter and tears is real love... and real love is what I choose in my real life...
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