Day 226: Painting Frontenay: Waking Up Alone

It seems like I'm not experiencing any kind of jet lag... It's 12:30 AM and I'm ready to sleep now. My body's clock seems to be functioning correctly, despite the fact that there's an 8 hour difference in my sleep cycle.

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night... I opened my eyes, it was dark, and I had forgotten where I was...

I remember when I was young enough to fall asleep at a relative's house my parents were visiting that night. I would fall asleep as soon as my eyelids got heavy, but I'd fall asleep thinking, "Mom, please don't leave me here..." Well, most of the time, I'd wake up in someone else's bed. I'd get up, feel angry about being there, and call my mom to come and get me. Normally, it was either my aunt's or grandmother's house, but it wasn't my bed. Everytime I'd ask her why she left me there, she'd say, "Well, you were asleep and we didn't want to wake you..." So, she'd be there to pick me up right after breakfast (sometimes, my sister and I, both). That was the one feeling I despised having as a child... (except for that feeling I used to get when I'd think of the world and my family, and, how we're not going to exist forever... but that was just the weird, eery part of my brain going into action as a child.)

Last night, I had that feeling... I woke up to a strange place. As I looked into the darkness and waited a few seconds to recollect my memory of where I was, I just closed my eyes and hoped for that feeling to go away... and, it did as I fell asleep again.

I have those feelings because of my childhood and how safe I've always felt my whole life. Now, being away from home and not feeling as safe, I feel I have grown up to accept these feelings and I understand, now, that I am not alone... I do have people that are thinking of me and care for me. They just left me here so that they don't wake me up from my dreams... they left me so that I can be on my own, grow up, learn, and get good rest. They'll be here to get me when I call them... right after breakfast...

Tip of the Day: Your childhood experiences are always going to be apart of you... Good or bad, try to understand how they affected your life and how they benefit your life now.