Embarrassment was worse when I was younger because I didn't wear makeup and it took my cheeks 3.5 seconds to turn red. Embarrassment is a feeling that we don't think about often. It's something that feels uneasy, awkward, and, mostly, not good.
We have this home video of my family visiting Sea World when I was about 5 years old. There's this part in the video where we're on the aerial tramway that goes from one side of the park to the other. My dad's video taping as my sister and I are talking about how blue and shiny the water underneath us is. Then, he turns the camera to me to find me picking my nose. At that moment, I look at the camera, (with my frizzy, curly hair and red cheeks) and smile as I take my finger out of my nose. Then, to make things worse, My dad asks me, "What are you doing?" (Uh, what do you think I'm doing, dad?) Every single time I watch that video, I dread that part that comes up, and I feel the same embarrassment I felt then...
Now that I'm older, I don't get embarrassed often, but, when it does happen, it's bad. So, yesterday, before I posted Day 64, I was uploading those two videos I posted. I sat here waiting for them to upload and thought about why I was doing that? It was the only way I could show you guys my point, but I felt so embarrassed doing it. My sister showed up, so I asked her about it. She, kind of, just looked at me, laughed, and said, "Well, if you don't care if people see you like that, why not?" I replied, "Well, it's not like I don't care, but I feel embarrassed doing it..." as I looked at her hoping she would say, "no...there's nothing to be embarrassed about..." but, she didn't. So, I just gathered my shit (in my head) together and told myself to do it. Hey, if I've come this far, and shown you guys this much, why not, right? So, yes, yesterday's post was a little traumatizing for me, but I'm glad it's over now. The color in my cheeks are back to normal.
Life is full of so many different emotions, moments, and experiences... I think it's better to go through them than not feel anything at all. The best thing to do is to tough it out, and get over it.
I would be pretty pale without the embarrassing moments in my life...
“Perhaps, on the whole, embarrassment and perplexity are a kind of natural accompaniment to life and movement; and it is better to be driven out of your senses with thinking which of two things you ought to do than to do nothing whatever, and be utterly uninteresting to all the world.” | |
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