Day 256: I don't know...

I woke up to my sister's laughter today... She was reading the comment that was posted on the previous day's post. She came into my room laughing and said, "Ha, ha, haaa... Someone blasted you on your blog!!!" I looked at her annoyed and said, "Ya, I wrote about it the next day... I know... and, so what! What's so funny?" She continued laughing as she said, "ha... cold... heartless..." as she walked away chuckling...

My day went on just like any other... but, today was different. I was home when my dad came home. Him and my mom were supposed to be out tonight at a cousin's house. I asked him, "What are you doing home? Aren't you guys supposed to go somewhere tonight?" He answered, "No, it was cancelled... Ummm, thing died... umm..." As he kept trying to remember the man's name or figure out a way to describe him, I kept asking him, "WHO... who died?" It turns out my uncle, who was living in Australia, and had been for a long time, had a heart attack and died earlier today. Unfortunately, he has left behind three kids, two grandkids, and a wife. When my dad finally said his name, I was speechless. I asked, "How... why... when?!!" Having a usual man's character, my dad answered my questions calmly as he kept interrupting my questions by saying, "Where's the fish?... What did your mom do with the fish?... Can we put this thing in the oven? Will it cook?..." but, at the same time, sounding a bit reserved and shocked himself.

I can count the number of times I have seen this uncle on my fingers, in my lifetime, but, ever since I heard the news, I can't stop thinking about his family and what they must be going through. It's that kind of news that makes you want it to be a dream when you wake up the next morning... It's the kind of news that can keep you from taking your next breath.

I've described the feeling of missing someone before... I've talked about how missing someone can make you feel dazed, confused, lost, lonely, hurt, sorrowful, and full of wonder... I can't imagine the feelings of being dazed, confused, lost, lonely, hurt, sorrowful, and being full of wonder when what is lost is gone forever.... When you can't have one more moment with that person... When it's gone for good... That must hurt in ways I haven't felt yet.

Tonight, I realize that life is so many things I haven't felt yet. I don't know many things... For the past 255 days, I've been writing about things that I think I know about, but, now, I don't know anymore... There is so much I haven't felt... there is so much I haven't said... there is so much I don't know...

Go ahead and blast me anytime you feel necessary...

Tonight, I send the family my love and light... May you have enough patience to get through this and be better...

Tip of the Day: No matter how much you think you know, you have no idea...